I have had an exhausting week, family is visiting, my renovation project is lagging behind, and, worse, my writing stalled. However, there is much to celebrate: my daughter was baptized this morning at our church, All Saints Episcopal Church. I am one proud father, and I hope, and fervently pray, my daughter will always know how loved and adored she is to me.
I failed to meet up with my writer’s group, again, this weekend. Family and renovations have dominated my time. I think, for the first time in years, I haven’t even read a hundred pages this week. Fortunately, I took the A-term off this semester, so, thank heaven, I do not have to worry about classes until June 24th. All-in-all, life is good. Breaks are healthy right? lol.
Okay, vent over. Thank you for your patience. Let’s get down to business.
Today, God found me, or, better said, I recognized God recognizing me. I was where miracles sometimes happen: church. I prayed with a tired heart; I poured out, what was left, my exasperated spirit. I have, not-so-secretly, been wrestling over what God wants of me; talking but not executing on His calling. When my daughter hovered, in my arms, over the holy water, as our Pastor christened her, I felt something rise—a warmth, a flame, a fire emanated—inside me. I watched the Pastor like a resident watches his lead physician—I visioned doing this, pastoring, to a family, to a congregation. This call is not new; I have gone back-and-forth across a decade. I am the poster-child for both imposter syndrome and analysis paralysis. I felt for a long time the toggle war of either writing or preaching. However, God, in His own way, led me down the path I dared not consider: both. I feel a peace, and, perhaps, since I am being honest, a little buzz-of-the-spirit when I think of, what I call, the C.S. Lewis trajectory.
This is why, and many have forgotten this, I returned to school. I needed my undergraduate completed before qualifying for seminary. I chose English, and not my prior major—history, to finish, and I have grown in faith and confidence in my writing and my faith. So, my faith and my art are being nourished full-time—my dream life. Some days I want to earn an MFA after graduating, and other days I want to earn a Masters in Divinity. I know, with sober eyes, the plight of the modern Episcopal Church, and I am trying to prepare to earn a living while wearing the collar one day. This is no doubt where my writing comes into play—God has been clear about this, at least, lol.
So, am I, one day, going to become a teacher of the faith, a servant to the faithful and needing, writing and pastoring together? Maybe. Do I want to inspire and revive the common-sense, love-first, faith of Jesus Christ? Yes, absolutely. Can I do that through fiction? Yes. Can I do that through scholarship? Yes. Can I do that through preaching/teaching? Yes, of course. Can I do all-at-once? I certainly, if possible, want to do them all, but, again, it is not what I want—it is about what God is asking of me. I have a weakness for academia, and a passion for writing, and a love for serving. I only lack confidence—but I suppose that is where faith and relying on God’s provision and wisdom comes in, lol. Do me a favor, if you have read this far, pray for me. Please!
Tell me what you think? Help me hack this out. God bless you.
Also, today, I was featured on N.L. Blandford’s Journal. She is a great, new author with an incredible book. To read my thoughts on Writing Insight, visit her through the link/embedded tweet provided. I am a big fan, and fortunate to name her a friend, and I am certain you, my followers, will love her work.
What are your characters thinking? What are they seeing? How do you figure all of this out? @W_Alexander89 takes over my journal this week to share his thoughts on ‘Crafting Insight’. Enjoy!#WritingCommunity #Writers https://t.co/l5SxxWuwUD— N. L. Blandford 🇨🇦 (@nlblandford) May 30, 2021